Wow, it's been a bit since my last post and boy has life been hectic for the last week and a half. Last week turned into a whirlwind and flew by.
Last Sunday, my sister was out of her gord crazy, drunk, high, and we had to Baker Act her (involuntary commitment here in Florida). I talked to the nurse a few times when she was in the ER and she was screaming and combative. They ended up having to restrain her and give her two shots of halidol. When she woke up in the ER in the morning, she didn't remember anything or know how she ended up with a cast on her arm. Scary times. They transported her to the psych hospital for a 3 day say and adjusted her medications; things seem to be improving. Only time will tell and she's got to be willing to do the work. I've got to have faith in her though.
Four years ago, she did the same thing for me. I was overdosing and she called 911 and they took me away. I stayed in the hospital for 30 days before getting released to do 2 months in a residential treatment center. The craziness of what she's put herself through these last few weeks really brought the memories back for me. When you're in that crazy place you really don't think what kind of an impact it has on anyone else. You don't realize how stressful it is for anyone but yourself. Well, now I know. It's damn stressful. I'm grateful for the experience though. I got to see what the craziness is like from the other side of the double locked doors. And, I've got to say, I prefer the look from this side. =)
So, last week when she was in the hospital I went down to feed her cats (she lives about 40 minutes south of me) and I went through her house. Got rid of the drugs, dumped out the alcohol, packed her a bag of clothes, and fed her cats. It was an absolute disaster in that house. So, last Wednseday when she was released I picked her up and took her home, made her dinner, and helped her clean her house. I know, for me, that when things get that bad they seem so overwhelming and I end up just leave them instead of jumping in and taking care of it. We also went to a women's meeting about a mile from where she lives. It's so nice to get out to other meetings and hear other people share. I feel like I'm sort of in a rut with aftercare on Wednesday's, so, as long as she's willing to let me come down there I'll continue to go. Which is what I did again this week. I made dinner again and we went to the women's meeting and hung out a bit and watched a little bit of American Idol before I headed back home. It's been so long since she's really let anyone come over and spend time with her that I'm going to take advantage of it while I can.
As for me, I've had a busy time in my own life on top of all of this. I've been working during the day and at night, which doesn't always leave me in the greatest of moods. But, it's for a limited time - one more month. Then I start nursing school. I went in yesterday and paid my tuition and purchased all of my books. It's so exciting to be able to move forward with my life. I've done so much work in the last year and it felt like none of it was leading anywhere when I got denied for financial aid because I made too much money. And, I made too much money because I worked my butt off to pull my student loans out of default. But, in the end, it has all worked out. My parents helped with the money to pay for the class and I'll be put on an extended payment plan. LOL. It always cracks me up with I think of my Mom's payment plans. In the past, I never paid a bill on time. But, now, I pay it back in full! Amazing. But to be more serious, it's amazing that my parents have enough faith in me to pay that much money in anticipation that I'll finish and do well. I've never finished a thing in my life, but they have faith in me and that's an amazing feeling.
So, I'm taking that faith and putting it somewhere else as well. In my sister. Someday, perhaps she'll be able to put that faith into herself. =)
Inner Conficts - Finding my own way
7 hours ago