Thursday, January 6, 2011

F**kin' Perfect

I've completed my 9th step. I've made my amends and I'm moving on. The things I've done have defined the person I've become but they don't have to continue to hang over my head and leave that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. One of the amends I made was to my older sister. We aren't on good terms at all and I'm okay if it continues to stay that way or if it doesn't. I don't have control of the situation and I've forgiven myself for my part in the entire fiasco. What it comes down to is that she's intimidated by my sobriety, or something like that. Last year she actually refused to come spend the Christmas holiday with us because she didn't want to have an "AA Holiday". That was like a stab to the heart for me and I reacted without thinking and blew it out of the water. In reality, I know she was just using me as an excuse, but it still hurt. Like, gut-wrenching hurt.

It's all out of my control and it's not really all about me. But, what I have to remember is that I do have control of my behavior. That was not my finest moment. Thank God I can learn from these things and, through working the steps, I can see where I was wrong and attempt not to repeat the same behaviors over and over and over.

The other day my boyfriend came home with P!nk's new CD - a greatest hits edition with two new tracks. The final track on the album is titled "F**kin' Perfect" and it has just hit home for me. Each time I hear it I feel super emotional and empowered. She is such an amazing, strong woman and I love her music. So, I'm going to post the chorus to the song and encourage everyone to listen it. Here's the song if you wanna listen. There is no video yet, but it's a decent version of the song. It helps me remember that I'm always enough and perfect the way I'm am. On those days when I'm not feeling like I'm enough, I'm still perfect to someone, even if it's not myself. I AM ENOUGH.

Pretty, pretty please
Dont you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
F**king perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
You're f**king perfect to me

No comments:

Post a Comment