About a week ago I had a moment of manic-ness and decided to get a new tattoo. I had been thinking about it for a few weeks and before I knew it I woke up with a fire under my ass about it. So, here it is. I'm in love with it.
I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread lately. I'm so ready for my life to move forward and I feel so stuck. I've really been trying to live in the solution and keep in mind that everything is temporary and getting involved with newcomers and other people in the program but it doesn't seem to be enough. I fear that I'm going through a growth spurt. Those are always the worst. They seem like they're never going to end.... and then BAM things are awesome. That BAM can't come fast enough.
It feels so good to be back into my regular meeting schedule. Comfortable, like I'm home again. Last night I went to the Big Book study at the treatment facility I went to. Something about that place just makes me feel better. It's where I'm most comfortable sharing and opening up and meeting people. It's unusual for me to share at meetings unless that awkward silence hits and I'm the last one left; but when I'm there it's easy for me. My thoughts are gathered and come out in order and I actually make sense!! Anyway, it feels really good to be back into the middle of the herd and to be able to have time to connect with new people.
I'm really going through it right now with my personal life and I finally feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My relationship is finally coming to a long overdue end and it's a struggle every day to maintain a cordial relationship with him. Most days I want to slap him and say, wtf are you thinking?? But, that's not going to get me anywhere so I'll continue to pray for him because I know that's what works best.
I'm done! I've graduated! I'm a nurse! Or, I will be soon. I'm in the process of waiting to be approved to take my boards. It's all very exciting. But, the best part?? Not getting up between 4-5 am daily. Lately, it's been - sleeping until 8, coffee, work a few hours, pool, study a bit, eat, meeting. I feel like I've got so much freedom now, it's amazing. This is the first things I've ever finished in my entire life - so it's a big deal. This is what recovery has given me. The ability to follow through, achieve, help others, and take care of myself. I hope to be around more frequetly now that school is finished and I've got much more time on my hands. But, I've said that before... hopefully I've got a little more follow through now. =)