Friday, March 19, 2010

A new perspective

Last night we watched "Precious". Let me start out by saying that I had no clue what this movie was about other than having the actress in it who came out of nowhere. I feel forever changed. Imagining a life like that makes me sick to my stomach. Growing up, I didn't have the best childhood and I've had to deal with that, but my life was a breath of fresh air compared to hers.

The movie ended and I didn't even know what to say or feel or think. I felt imense gratitude for my life. I felt that if someone could survive that, then we should be able to survive anything. And, then I thought, she overcame. She totally overcame. She gained this inner strenght and was able to overcome the obstacles life had put in her way and move forward. Through compassion from strangers she became empowered to change her life. I feel forever changed by that movie.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Today was a restful day and I don't seem to have many of those lately.

I've really been thinking about my steps lately and I need to get cracking and finish them again. Step 6 is finished and onto 7. I'm taking my sweet time. Procrastination is just one of those "traits" that I haven't let go of yet, but I'm certainly ready to have it removed! LOL.

I went to aftercare this evening, at the treatment center I went to, and it was a disaster. Bascially, we go back every Wednesday and meet with the people coming out of the 28 day program and talk about our experience and discuss their concerns and exit plans with them. But lately a different counselor has been MC'ing it every week and there is no format anymore so it's losing effectiveness. Something has to be done but I'm not sure what it is at this point. It's almost torture to sit there through the whole hour. The only reason I go anymore is because I benefitted from the people who came back when I lived there and I want to be able to give back what was so freely given to me. Me me me. I know. But if I don't put ME first no one will be able to.

My mouth still hurts from these 2 new fillings. Although the pain is subsiding it's still stressful to be in constant pain with nothing more than motrin or tylenol. It's a catch 22. There are just some things that you have to push through, I guess.

My new glasses came in yesterday and they're definitely taking some "getting used to". These progressive lenses are tricky. The top is for distance, the middle is for intermedite stuff like the computer, and the bottom is for reading. Or anything I just randomly feel like magnifying! It cracks me up! And, just so you know, I apparently look sheik in them; so my Mom says. Does that even count when you're in your 30's??

So, all in all it was a good day. Drank a lot of coffee, did some laundry, and took some super cheesy photos of myself in my new glasses from the reflection in the bathroom mirror. =)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Time will tell...

I've been working so much lately that I'm a bit out of sorts with myself. Switching back and forth from overnights to days is taking a toll on me.

All the moving is finally done but I've yet to finish unpacking. Hopefully, that is something I can get finished this week. I only have 3 more boxes to take care of and it just feels like a chore at this point; which is why it keeps getting put off.

I'm feeling a little indifferent tonight. I just finished reading a few posts on It's a blog I've been reading for a few years now on and off about someone who struggles with addiction and a few other things (but dont we all?) and he's relapsed. It's happened before but I guess that after following this little world of his that I got attached to whether or not he was still sober. It's so easy to sit here and judge and point out all the things people are doing wrong and recognizing their excuses and reservations. Which is where I'm at right now. I'm downright disappointed.

It makes me think of all the people I've lost during these 3 short years I've been sober along with all the people to come. My first sponsor told me, "You've got to walk over the bodies." Such a straight forward statement yet so hard to accomplish.