Sunday, December 19, 2010

It's almost Christmas!

The last week has been hectic and at the same time, not. I hardly worked at all at my job, but I did other things. Christmas shopping alone feels like a job. It's a good thing I started in November this year! On Thursday and Friday I finished most of the shopping and I've got one more thing to pick up. Everything is wrapped and set up to be put in the car for our trip over to my Mom's on Friday.

Christmas this year is going to be a bit different now that my sister is back into the picture. I've gotten so used to all of the holidays and special occasions being just my boyfriend, my parents, and I. I've been praying that this year will be different from the past holidays that she's been at. Both, sober and in active addiction, she tends to be a drama queen, throw at least 2 crying tantrums, and (of course) everything is about her even when it's not. Gr. So, I'm getting it all out now, ironing out the wrinkles and putting positive energy into it. This year is going to be a differently-great holiday! I absolutely love Christmas and the entire holiday season and I'm determined to enjoy as much of it as I can.

Step work has just been nagging at me for the last few months. I'm working on making my amends and I'm finding it difficult (I'm convinced I'm unique). I know the people I need to make amends to, I know why... but, putting it into words and deciding how and when to do it are just weighing me down. Some have been made over time as I've come across people or run into them on facebook or whatever, but it's the super-personal-everyday ones that are grinding on me. I've got a deadline - December 31st. The final agreement, after many, that I've made with my sponsor.

So, that's all I've got for now. I've got to be up at 5:30 am for work tomorrow and I just don't do mornings. I wasn't made to be up before the sun, or any time even remotely near when the sun comes up. My Mom says that the sunrise and sunset are the most powerful times of the day and I should enjoy them both, but that's just never going to happen. At least not any time soon, anyway.


  1. I'm sorry that you feel the steps are "nagging" at you. Hopefully, this thinking pattern will diminish.
    I love the steps because they show me daily how to live my life as a sober man. Something I didn't know how to do before sobriety and still forget often.

  2. The steps aren't nagging me. I phrased it wrong. It's more like, not having it done is nagging at me, than anything. I'm a procrastinator and I need to sit down and do the work but something always seems to come up and it gets put aside.