This past Wednesday marked the celebration of my 4th year in sobriety. There was a time when I never thought I'd see this day happen. To be so supported by the friends I've made in recovery has brought forth a new swell of gratitude in my life. I was able to share the day with a few women from my homegroup as well as a few other people whom are very important to me. We all met up at Applebee's for a celebratory dinner. Just having those people show up proves to me that this program works even when you have doubts. No matter what, someone will be there to carry you when you can't carry yourself.
Last week my Mom came for a visit. She lives just over 2 hours away so it's convenient for her to come over and spend a day and night and then return home. We went to my sister's house and brought her along to dinner with us to celebrate my aniversary. Being able to spend time with her, without wanting to maim her, has been a renewed gift. She's still going to meetings and seems to be holding her own, but right now I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I suppose that at some point people felt that way about me too. I really try to have compassion for her like I would for any newcomer but because it's so close to home it's a bit more difficult. I find myself wanting to ask her how the meetings were and how she's feeling and asking if she's found a sponsor yet... but I refrain. It's none of my damn business and I can't make her recovery into what I wish it would be. Normally, I would have jumped in to try to save the day and fix it all, but I'm learning how to let go and step back so things can happen the way they're supposed to happen. Much easier said than done, but I'm getting better with practice.
So, here I sit at work. It's almost 5 a.m. and I'm ready to go home to sleep, but I've got a few hours left. We were supposed to meet my bf's parents today for an early Christmas celebration but everyone seems to have forgotten that if we meet at noon I'll only have had 2 hours of sleep. So not fair. I've been working the night shift on the weekends for the better part of a year and a half now... so as far as I'm concerned - there aren't any excuses.
This is what happens when plans are made at the last minute and you become the after-thought. I don't mean me as the after-though, I mean my boyfriend. We live about 20 minutes from his parents and they make no effort to see him... Ok, I lied, they see him 3 times a year: Christmas, Easter, and whenever his sister comes to town with the new baby. They fly to another state to spend the holidays with his brother and sister and try to make plans with him at the very last minute. It really hurts him but he won't say anything. Right now, I know that all I can do is support him and make sure that my family treats him like family. This year, his parents passed his grandmother a birthday card for him and had her deliver it at work... They don't even think twice about it.
And this brings us to, yet again, another situation that is none of my business. It's totally out of my control and saying something will just make things worse and hurt people's feelings. Seems I'm receiving an awful lot of practice in this area lately! I'm going to assume it's not a coincidence!
Aaaaaaand, this is the week I find out whether or not I'm accepted into school. Part of me knows that I will, but the pessimistic part of me has doubts. I'm really not good at waiting, thankfully it's only a few more days. I should know by Wednesday!
Inner Conficts - Finding my own way
7 hours ago