Blah and Moans

I'm having a case of the blah's today. Not sure where it came from.

Monday was my 34th birthday and I had a fantastic day! I worked, babysat, and had dinner with my sponsor, grandsponsor, and another woman that my sponsor sponsor's. (that's a lot of sponsor in one sentence!)

Last night was my homegroup, and something interesting always happens. Lately, there has been a woman who brings a meal to eat during the meeting each week. It varies from Taco Bell, McDonalds, Wendy's, or various items from the grocery store. Last week she brought shrimp and a salad - which she had a hell of a time opening. As she began eating, she began moaning over how delicious it was and then she moved onto the burping and slupring her drink to wash it down. Which is where the problem comes in, she always sits next to me and because I'm so immature, I get the giggles. Non-stop. I just can't help myself. And then people watch me giggle and try to hold it in and get the giggles as well and it ripples through the meeting.

So, I've found a solution! I'm not selecting my seat until she's comfortable settled in. Unfortunately, that was right across from me last night and her shorts were WAY too short and you could see everything. I'm convinced God knows I need some humor in my life right now and that these circumstances are going to continue. So, I'll continue to appreciate it when these little things happen and keep on gigglin'.

Day 1, done

Today was our first day of clinicals for the nursing program. We had to be there by 6:15am and we finished just after 12:30pm. Most of it was orientation to the facility and getting to know our residents. Holy hectic chaos! I've been doing this kind of work for 3 years now, but I do private care for 1 person at a time. For the next week we're going to have 6 patients each. It makes the time go by so quickly! I love it! I'm exhausted, but it's a good exhausted and it's so nice to actually work with other people instead of being stuck in a room alone with someone for 12 hours or more.

Last night was my homegroup meeting and it was a good one. The last Tuesday of each month is an aniversary meeting and the celbrants each get to speak for a bit. This month we had 3, including my sponsor. It seems like each year that passes we learn something new about someone. To me, this is such a gift. Going back to those first few days and on through to what the last year has been like always brings something new. Thank God for this ever changing process in recovery and our ability to continue to grow and learn. I hope I never stop being able to grow inside as well as with the people around me.

Going Clinical!

Time sure can pass quickly. I've been so busy with school lately that I haven't had time for much else. We've already had 3 quizes and our final exam for the first level of the course is on Monday. I'm doing pretty well so far with a 96%, 100%, and 100% which really reinforces my decision to only work on the weekends. Although, I don't always end up with shifts. The patient I've been with for the last 2 years passed away a few weeks ago in surgery. And the other patient I was taking care of passed away just a few days ago. Sad stuff, this work I do. They say, in my work, to not get personal with the patients... but how is that possible when you sit for 12 hours shifts with them and there is no one else to talk to? It's virtually impossible. So, with that said, I have no shifts! It's good and it's bad. The good part is that I get to rest here and there and get paid for being on call and the bad part is that I really need the money to pay bills with. Such a catch-22.

I've still been making it to most of my meetings but I do recognize the times when I just need to rest and go to sleep early. Things seem to be taking a better turn in my homegroup, which is a good thing. There is a lot less conflict lately and the women who wait until the end to share to top everyone else and let us all know how it's "supposed" to be done, haven't been there. I'm sure it's a God thing.

So, next week in school we are going to do all of our clinical check-off's and then we will go clinical. It's super exciting! Right now, we're just doing the CNA portion of the course and that's what I do for work already which makes it all a breeze. It's going to be nice to get a different perspective being able to work with other people, have equipment and supplies that I need, and have a variety of things to get done. When I'm at work, it's usually a bore. I get a lot of reading done, but I sure do spend a lot of time sitting on my ass in a chair. I can't wait to be busy the whole time and really feel like I've gotten something done. =)

Progress

I feel like I'm so busy these days. With my job, it all comes at once or it doesn't come at all. So, until school starts on Feb. 22 I'll be working 7 days a week.

I've been spending a day a week with my sister and she seems to be holding her own these days. Still no sign of the loser ex-boyfriend! I have been through some awful relationships and I understand how they can really get into your head. There is only so long that someone, whom you believe you love, can tell you you're worthless before you believe him. Which is what happened. That curse of having no self-esteem is a hard fog to come out of. It was for me and I know it is for her.

Tonight is my homegroup and I'm totally not looking forward to going. It's turned into a cat fest of who can out share who and it's a total drag. I always hope that it's going to change, but nothing does. Tonight is also our monthly business meeting and a lot will be discussed and I'm anticipating an all out war at this point... Ugh. Perhaps, in August when my 2 year term as secretary is up, it will be time to just move on. There are some women in there with 20+ years of sobriety that I always used to respect, but at this point I feel like I'm railroaded every time I ask a question or present a motion because they "know" better. It seems our business meeting has become "organized"...

Also, I've finally heard back on some of my amends. I'll post more on how that went later, for now, I've got to go to work!