Mindfulness

A new year is almost upon us again. It seems like the older I get, the faster these things happen. I remember being in the 3rd grade and waiting for Christmas vacation... When I was younger, that 2 weeks off of school felt like forever. We'd play with our new toys, go sledding, drink hot cocoa. I even remember hanging our snow soaked hats, scarves, mittens, and wool socks over the cast iron heater. I have such vivid memories, it must have been the cold weather.

As I get older, vivid memories like that seem to happen less and less. Day, weeks, months fly by. Most of the time I can't remember what I did yesterday or what I even had for breakfast today. Life feels like it's flying by me lately and I don't like it. I want to remember the things I do, people I see, places I go. I want each moment to be special.

So, with that said, I'm going to try to make an effort to have time for it. Sit back and smell the roses, or something to that effect. I really need to practice my "mindful" behaviors again. Focusing on the very moment and taking each small thing in. Breathing. Watching. Listening. I've been so overwhelmed in the last few months that I've become a terrible listener. I'm not even sure what I talk about on the phone because I'm always doing something else at the same time. Cooking dinner, driving, working. It's got to change. I'm not committing to a New Year's resolution or anything, with my committment issues and all, but I am going to make a conscious effort to attempt to change my ways.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2010 which means it's the last day for me to finish my amends. I've agreed to have them done by the end of this year and I've got one day to go. Nothing like cutting it down to the wire! I'm the kind of person who needs an assigment and a deadline. Procrastination at it's best. Either way, I'm going to follow through on this one and start the new year out properly with a new attitude and a new direction.

Christmas was excellent this year! My parents got me a Littman stethoscope and a sphygmomanometer (blood presure cuff) in preparation for Nursing school in February. I'm a blood pressure taking fool! I've always had such a hard time listening to the blood flow when I've done them and now I know why, and it's not all these strange piercings in my cartliage getting in the way like I always thought. Cheap stethoscopes! I can hear it all now! I'm really feeling good about things at this point. But getting anxious at the same time. So, to do my own preparing for school, I've bought a few books on anatomy & physiology to review. I've taken the classes a few years ago but I don't remember much, I was still drinking then. Since it's a tech school I'm going to, there is no adjusting the curriculum and repeating the course is just how it's going to be. I've got to do things their way, in their order, in their time. And I'm okay with that. Nothing like having a refresher course.

Anyway, it's late and I'm getting tired. I hope everyone has a wonderfully safe New Year's Eve!

Oh what a long week it's been. I've been working killer weeks around 75 - 80 hours. I'm. So. Tired. Fortunately, tonight is the last night and I'm actually going to be able to not only sleep in a bed again, but I'll be able to sleep more than 3-4 hours. Sleeping during the day just isn't my thing.

So, anyway. Earlier in the week I decided to send out Christmas cards again. It's been quite a few years with everything that has happened: divorce, moving, hospital, rehab, moving, moving, moving, new job, moving. Just too much to take on AND do extra on the holidays. I started setting up everything on my computer to print the envelopes (why hand write it??) and had almost all of them addressed when my computer just shut down. Yep. It shut down and never came back on. At all. I was devastated; even started crying. How am I going to live without a computer? Me? Without the internet? My only link would be my BlackBerry? Ugh. That just can't be. Fortunately my family gave me my Christmas money early and I was able to get another one - and let me tell you, this thing is the best ever! Windows 7, 4 GB dual core pentium, 320 GB hard drive, 16" widescreen display, built-in webcam with facial recognition for security, and a 3.5 hour battery life. This is the finest machine I've had yet! And, now I can finish my Christmas cards.

I know, I know. This is when I'm supposed to go to that place of gratitude and remember that all things happen for a reason and that they'll find a way to work themselves out and that God won't give me more than I can handle. I suppose this should be a time of reflection for me; after all, my 3 year anniversary is in just a few days. But right now all I can think of is how fine this shiny new laptop is and that in a few days I'll be playing the Sims 3.